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Tag: deals
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Behind the Scenes: The Great Inventory Count
We have been doing this for what feels like nine lives, and we are still not sure who is in charge.
If you take only one thing from this, take this: a loyalty program that pays in headbutts is not a bug. It is the product.
The Short Version, Told Slowly
We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.
Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.
That is all for now. We are told there is a sunbeam going to waste, and a professional never lets that happen.
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Announcing Our Loyalty Program (Treats Required)
Nobody tells you this when you start out, but the real work begins around a loyalty program that pays in headbutts.
If you take only one thing from this, take this: a shipping department located under the couch is not a bug. It is the product.
The Short Version, Told Slowly
The old guard prefers a loyalty program that pays in headbutts. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.
Our standard approach involves a warehouse mostly made of boxes, followed by a returns policy enforced by staring, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.
In summary: act confidently, deny everything, and always keep a clear route to the nearest box.
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Why Everything We Sell Ends Up on the Floor
Every client eventually asks us the same thing, and the honest answer is always a long, flat stare.
The old guard prefers a shipping department located under the couch. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.
The Short Version, Told Slowly
Our standard approach involves a warehouse mostly made of boxes, followed by a loyalty program that pays in headbutts, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.
Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.
As always, results may vary, fur may transfer, and the management accepts no responsibility for the hairball.
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Our Returns Policy, Explained With Hissing
Nobody tells you this when you start out, but the real work begins around a warehouse mostly made of boxes.
Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.
The Short Version, Told Slowly
Our standard approach involves a loyalty program that pays in headbutts, followed by a shipping department located under the couch, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.
Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.
That is all for now. We are told there is a sunbeam going to waste, and a professional never lets that happen.
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Customer Service Is Currently Napping
A reader wrote in this week with a question that deserves a serious answer, so here is an unserious one.
We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.
The Short Version, Told Slowly
The old guard prefers a returns policy enforced by staring. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.
If you take only one thing from this, take this: a warehouse mostly made of boxes is not a bug. It is the product.
Thank you for reading, and please do not leave anything on the edge of a surface. You know why.
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Shipping Updates From a Warehouse Full of Boxes
Nobody tells you this when you start out, but the real work begins around a warehouse mostly made of boxes.
Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.
The Short Version, Told Slowly
Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.
If you take only one thing from this, take this: a returns policy enforced by staring is not a bug. It is the product.
As always, results may vary, fur may transfer, and the management accepts no responsibility for the hairball.
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How We Choose Our Products (A Cat Sits On Them)
Nobody tells you this when you start out, but the real work begins around a returns policy enforced by staring.
Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.
The Short Version, Told Slowly
If you take only one thing from this, take this: a shipping department located under the couch is not a bug. It is the product.
Our standard approach involves a loyalty program that pays in headbutts, followed by a warehouse mostly made of boxes, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.
If you have questions, our office hours are three to four in the morning, or whenever we feel like it.