Announcing Our Loyalty Program (Treats Required)

Nobody tells you this when you start out, but the real work begins around a loyalty program that pays in headbutts.

If you take only one thing from this, take this: a shipping department located under the couch is not a bug. It is the product.

The Short Version, Told Slowly

The old guard prefers a loyalty program that pays in headbutts. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

Our standard approach involves a warehouse mostly made of boxes, followed by a returns policy enforced by staring, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

In summary: act confidently, deny everything, and always keep a clear route to the nearest box.