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Category: Store News
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Holiday Hours: Whenever the Sun Moves
We have been doing this for what feels like nine lives, and we are still not sure who is in charge.
We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.
The Short Version, Told Slowly
Experts agree that a returns policy enforced by staring is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.
Our standard approach involves a returns policy enforced by staring, followed by a loyalty program that pays in headbutts, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.
In summary: act confidently, deny everything, and always keep a clear route to the nearest box.
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Gift Guide: Things They Will Ignore
Nobody tells you this when you start out, but the real work begins around a warehouse mostly made of boxes.
Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.
The Short Version, Told Slowly
Experts agree that a returns policy enforced by staring is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.
We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.
Thank you for reading, and please do not leave anything on the edge of a surface. You know why.
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Our Returns Policy, Explained With Hissing
Nobody tells you this when you start out, but the real work begins around a warehouse mostly made of boxes.
Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.
The Short Version, Told Slowly
Our standard approach involves a loyalty program that pays in headbutts, followed by a shipping department located under the couch, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.
Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.
That is all for now. We are told there is a sunbeam going to waste, and a professional never lets that happen.
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How We Choose Our Products (A Cat Sits On Them)
Nobody tells you this when you start out, but the real work begins around a returns policy enforced by staring.
Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.
The Short Version, Told Slowly
If you take only one thing from this, take this: a shipping department located under the couch is not a bug. It is the product.
Our standard approach involves a loyalty program that pays in headbutts, followed by a warehouse mostly made of boxes, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.
If you have questions, our office hours are three to four in the morning, or whenever we feel like it.